LLP » hello kitty

Pussy Wind

reesan — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 10:42:24 +0000

Caption This!

Struggling to think of an adequate caption for the Hello Kitty deodorant from Rexona – Pussy Wind – a limited edition, 24 hour intensive anti-perspirant. There has to be a better caption than “Queef In A Can” and it isn’t helping that I’m humming Red Hot Chili Peppers ♪She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy♪ from the song “Under The Bridge”. Is there an angle on the Bette Midler song “Wind Beneath My Wings” or Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind”? How about Elton John’s “Candle In The Wind”? Maybe there is a slant on the movie “Gone With The Wind” – arghhhhh – “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

UPDATE: Thanks to the one and only Jake Adelstein of Tokyo Vice notoriety for this tweet: Hello Kitty says: “I may have no mouth but I have a nose and you stinky. If you want to be with this pussy, wear this.” New slogan!

LLP.

All Your Cute Are Belong To Us

wendy — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 09:25:18 +0000

Teacher, writer, performer and Mum, Wendy Horikoshi has lived, breathed and worked in Japan for a little over 13 years. Taking a left turn from tarting up medical journals and wedding speeches, she takes a look at the Kawaii culture that envelopes Japan.

If it isn’t Kawaii in Japan, it just doesn’t rate a mention.

With Hello Kitty everything, bank cards, bentos (lunch boxes), and dish sponges in the shape of characters and cake, you can’t escape the cute.

Now, I am not really a Kitty fan. Little white cat, with no mouth? Needs everything to be twee and adorable? Nah. Then along came my babies. Two hard core Kitty fans, both boys, with kitty spoons, socks, toothbrushes, pyjama’s and kitty dinner sets, my house is overtaken with cute. I am drowning in pink and white bows, little hearts and sparkle on everything.

Before I was somebody’s Mum, I was in a punk band, with black nails, purple hair, and many, many piercings. Cute just isn’t my cup of tea.

Where I live now, you see 50 year old women with Minnie Mouse hand bags, Snoopy lunch boxes and Kitty jewelry everyday. It’s not unusual to see people dressed as their favourite pokémon or in some kind of Lolita Goth costume just walking down the street, and Kitty Chan has infiltrated herself into almost every arena of life here in down town Tokyo, you will see her EVERYWHERE. She just did a marketing deal with Barbie, no word of a lie, cute is serious business in Japan.

Louis Vuitton does a range in Hello Kitty, Samantha Thavasa makes a line of very expensive and fashionable bags with the Kitty motif as well. For a quick look, check out here and here.

Just think of tiny Japanese girls in tiny skirts at the car shows, Maid cafe’s and Cosplay. Cute is the new sexy.

Last week, I wrote speeches for a Bi-national wedding, and one of the guests performed the song “Don’t ever take off your School girl Uniform”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M10oFLrDCdo

Japanese school girl uniforms have become an Icon in the porn industry that represent that cute/sexy category, sweet and innocent, non aggressive, but up for display. Don’t even get me started on AKB48 (which, for a while there I thought was a hideous new strain of Super Flu, but NO! It’s Super Cute!)

Puri kura, (or Print Club, those tiny photo stickers), is a novel and very popular Japanese invention, that gets cuter every year. I saw the other day on “Unbelievable” (a Japanese current affairs and entertainment program), that a Japanese woman, (who was afflicted with never being able to have a good photo taken of her) worked out a device to make your eyes bigger and more sparkly, your hair shinier, your skin clearer and more tanned. As I am one of those pale, badly photographed -all-the-time people, I was stunned when it actually worked! The Magic of Puri Kura! It can make ME cute!

Every business and event must have it’s own Kawaii mascot. It’s got to have a cartoon character involved, or it just won’t sell here. There are cute little stickers on everything, and it’s usually gift wrapped to within an inch of it’s life. There are individually wrapped eggs and bananas in the convenience stores. Fruit is grown into sweet pretty shapes and sold for a mint. Even the sandwiches here are cute.

Living here, it’s hard to remain unmoved by the amount of Kawaii that you are bombarded with all the time. I tried to be hard hearted for a long while. I now have a sparkly, puffy cupcake adorning my mobile phone, I have little tiny goldfish stickers on my finger nails to match my Yukata for the summer festival. I recently succumbed to the temptation of a red Mickey Mouse watch bracelet. Just…… because.

Back in my home country I drove a V8, shunned pink, and wouldn’t be caught dead near Mickey Mouse. I think it’s starting to seep into my brain. Maybe my resistance was useless?

This is Japan, and All Your Cute Are Belong To Us!

LLP.

Hello Kitty Garbage Truck

reesan — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 10:35:43 +0000

Hello Kitty supervises the waste being thrown into this Japanese garbage truck as it does the rounds of the streets of Tokyo. I hope you sorted your trash properly! Thanks to jsleeuw for this one.

LLP.

Hello Kitty Arrested

reesan — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 12:13:41 +0000

Hello Kitty arrested for soliciting out the front of Bank of America. Either that or she finally got pinged for running guns.

Read her her rights!
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.

LLP.

Hello Kitty In Bondageland

reesan — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 11:30:28 +0000

Thanks to Rin who pointed out that the black-masked Hello Kitty cosplay fail from the Top 10 Cosplay Fails is actually an actor promoting the team up of Hello Kitty and MAC cosmetics. The bizarre advertisement where this gimp-looking Hello Kitty appears in is below. I think that YouTube user Zephythes sums up this commercial the best:

A lolita Alice in Wonderland rip off in massive shoes, sitting on a pile of cotton candy, decides to follow a black cat through a drug haze scenario into a giant pink vagina. She comes out in Bondageland where she’s gang raped by a bunch of BDSMales in black leather FEMALE Hello Kittty head masks. Dominatrix Kitty watches in euphoria and molests her. Then she wakes up with a Bondage Kitty doll and is HAPPY? I may need massive therapy to understand the WHY, DEAR GOD! WHY??? of this commercial…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC4-_MieqKU

LLP.

Shake Your Kitty

reesan — Sun, 16 May 2010 00:04:34 +0000

Gaga loves her Kitty!

Lady Gaga celebrated the 35th anniversary of Hello Kitty, the world’s most iconic pussy, by posing for a Sanrio-themed photo shoot with famed photography duo Markus Klinko and Indrani.

Hello Pussy Purse

Hello Kitty Plush Toy Dress

Hello Kitty Red Bow and Manga Eyes

Hello Kitty Heels

Don’t forget to check out Kitty in Hello Kitty Combat Gear, Hello Titty Kitty and Hello Kitty Darth Vader.

LLP.

Top 7 Hello Kitty Combat Gear

reesan — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:26:31 +0000

Hello Kitty has got herself into some compromising positions in the past such as Hello Titty Kitty or Hello Kitty Darth Vader but now we present to you the Top 7 Hello Kitty Combat Gear must-have items for any weekend warriors collection.

1. Hello Kitty Assault Rifles

The Hello Kitty AR-15 Assault Rifle is a modified AR-15 with a customised paint job. Killing has never been so kawaii!

Here are the component parts of the Kitty rifle prior to assembly.

The Kitty rifle gets a workout at the shooting range.

A few other Hello Kitty rifle variants:

The vid below is CNN’s look into painted guns, including the Kitty rifle featured here, and the repercussions should someone mistake them for toys.

2. Hello Kitty Taser

When you want to protect yourself and look cute at the same time.

Apparently the Kitty logo on the taser is a fake although you can get the Taser C2 in stunning pink. Don’t let that get in the way of a good Kitty story.

3. Hello Kitty Machine Gun

Kitty avoids observation using the method of camouflage on this machine gun.

Image source: Hello Kitty Hell

4. Hello Kitty Armoured Vehicle

When you need to transport the infantry to the battlefield.

5. Hello Kitty Combat Uniforms

A collection of cosplaying Kitty soldiers.

Image source: Hello Kitty Hell

6. Hello Kitty Handguns

“God created man, but Hello Kitty made them equal.”

7. Hello Kitty Hand Grenades

“Kitty in the hole!”

Image source: Hello Kitty Hell

Don’t forget to check out Kitty in Hello Titty Kitty and Hello Kitty Darth Vader. Credit to Hello Kitty Hell as a research source of some of the items above.

LLP.

The Fail Is Strong With This One

reesan — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:03:01 +0000

The fail is strong with this pink, Hello Kitty, Darth Vader…

Hello Kitty meets Darth Vader

For more Hello Kitty craziness check out Top 7 Hello Kitty Combat Gear and Hello Titty Kitty.

LLP.

Hello Titty Kitty

reesan — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:12:32 +0000

Saw this t-shirt in a store window today and was, well, compelled to share it.

For more kitty bizarreness check out Top 7 Hello Kitty Combat Gear and Hello Kitty Darth Vader.

LLP.