Ever wonder why the crime rate is low in Japan? It’s because homeowners militantly patrol their own homes guarding their property and protecting their families with baseball bats. Who dare fuck with descendants of ninja and samurai?

It’s a fuckin’ miracle, the cloth made with the micro fiber!

Your prayers have now literally been answered as Apple unveils iGod, the hotly anticipated MP3 praying device! With an MP3 Prayer, you can communicate with your preferred deity or spirit anytime, anywhere. Works seamlessly with the Religion Free DVD Player.

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