On a recent article on this site, The Deer Humper, I had the privilege of seeing Nate (The Deer Humper) perform the ancient art of ‘statue humping’.
The article on Nate touched me as I realised that an international brotherhood of people with statue fetishes does exist and I am proud to put my hand up and be part of the brethren.
Now Nate is obviously a master of the ‘humping’ sect – respect. As for me, well, I’m an all-rounder. An international man of statue violation. I am The Statue Whisperer!
So, on the following guest post for loneleeplanet is the The Statue Whisperer’s world tour and quick guide to the art of statue violation.
Lesson 1: Statues of people or animals
Biggest girl I’ve ever been with, she never called (Curitiba, Brazil)
Nothing is sacred in this sport!! Jesus himself. (Rio De Janeiro, Brazil)
Whispering sweet nothings (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
A violation of liberties (New York, U.S.A.)
Girls, girls… keep your clothes on! (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
And… vogue! (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
But who am I to limit the sport to statues of people and animals!
Lesson 2: Abusing man-made structures
The side effects of a trip to Viagra Falls – size does matter! (CN Tower, Toronto, Canada)
A monumental erection (Washington D.C., U.S.A.)
Balancing an erection (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Lesson 3: Why just statues of animals?
Gimme some sugar, baby (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Two humps and a kiss goodnight (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Rhino foreplay (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Gripping my trunk (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Throwing back a long neck (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
What does the future hold?
I believe the sport needs to move in new, exciting directions, much like the ‘Limited Overs’ cricket from the 1970s to add a different dimension.
Random sleeping, drunk dude (Manhattan, New York, U.S.A.)
Stay tuned!
The Deer Humper
Beef Curtain Bento
Japan’s Resolution To Declining Birth Rate
The Singapore Sling
Japanese Diarrhea Remedy
scott j
C Ohara
Chris
Japan Australia
Jay Dee
emuu
lina
freedomwv
Fidel
Haikugirl
It sounds like Nunnster may have been molested a few times whilst drunk? It’s weird (but strangely respectable in some quarters) to be able to judge a beer bottle…not by taste, but by comfort and handling.
And i don’t buy that you thought the ‘Blue Oyster’ was a respectable seafood restaurant buddy!
Here, here..
And you guys suck at baseball, Nunnster.
Witness yesterday’s shambles against Japan.
Stick to a game where you make up the rules and no other nation plays.. like the AFL per chance!
Another blot on a public record. This one for reesan, molester of unconscious drunks.
At least this time, Nate’s deer fetish was left out of it. Yup, Nate of Tokyo, that is.
Mike, don’t hate the player hate the game!
For the record, this post is from ‘jepp’, he is the molesterer of unconscious drunks.
Just went through this diatribe.
Now there’s 5 minutes of my life I won’t get back.
I didn’t even know that England had a baseball team. Are you a Pommie or a Nipponese, Kermit? Either way, both of your chosen nations need to toughen up before they take on a sport like Aussie Rules. Perhaps you and Jepp should meet up at one of those bars with which he is so familiar. I’m sure you’d make a lovely couple. That is of course, if you’re not “life partners” already.
Remote Message: Kermit is currently on vacation and will respond to Nunnster’s jibes at his discretion.
I thought this was a hoot (even the random drunk dude)… but when I saw the Rhino, I seriously had to wonder how you came up with that idea. Maybe somethings are best left unimagined. Nice one.